To the person who won’t step foot in a church…
I get it. Not all that long ago, I was you.
I was the person who rolled my eyes at the sight of a person praying or lifting their hands in worship. I was the person who complained when choir performances would take me into a church building, or when spiritual songs were introduced for us to sing. I was the person who half-joked that I’d probably burst into flames if I ever stepped through the church doors.
I was the person who immediately drew bad conclusions and assumed the worst when I found out someone was a Christian. I was the person who equated Christian with words like judgmental, hateful, fake, hypocritical, uneducated, ignorant.
I was that person because unfortunately, the very limited experience that I had with church and with Christians by that point was mostly negative. That’s another story for another day.
But something changed.
I’m not that person anymore.
You see, even when I was that person, there was always a tiny part of me that wondered if there was a greater purpose to life. If there was a higher power… if God really existed. If God did exist, I was sure that I wasn’t the kind of person he would want in his church. I was messy, messed up, full of doubts and questions, angry, anxious, depressed, and overwhelmed with regret. I knew nothing about the Bible, didn’t understand how to pray, didn’t dress or talk or act like a church-going person “should.” I had been rejected by people who claimed to represent God, so why shouldn’t I believe that I’d be rejected by God himself? Maybe you can relate to some of this, even a little bit. Maybe you’ve had some of these same thoughts. Can I tell you something?
I was always exactly the kind of person that God wanted in his church. And so are you.
Something changed. At 23, I felt like there was something massive missing from my life, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. And something happened that summer… when I was out drinking with my friends, putting on a fake smile and feeling hollow inside, a complete stranger invited me to church.
I did not receive the invitation well. I was not kind in my response. And I definitely didn’t go to her church.
It didn’t matter. That act of invitation set me off in a new direction. In the months that followed, I opened up to the one Christian friend that I had who I felt was safe to talk to and wouldn’t judge me for my doubts or questions. I found a little copy of the New Testament that I had stuffed into a drawer long ago and I started reading straight through it. And… I eventually stepped through the church doors. After years of saying “not a chance… not me, not ever.”
Was it the best experience of my life? Well, no, not really. For months, I sat in my seat and just observed, scared to open up and let anyone get to know anything about me. I listened to the sermons and I didn’t always understand them, but they challenged me to seek out answers and study the Bible more. There were times that the pastor would say something and it felt like the words were meant specifically for me to hear. There were moments when I felt like God was speaking to me and I was finally willing to listen. I watched the people around me singing songs about God and God’s love and they looked so happy and so peaceful and I felt like I was the only one in that building who was actually a mess. And I felt certain that once they all realized it, I’d be out the door. I was earnestly seeking after a relationship with God, but I was still afraid of his people… of his church.
When I prayed to receive Jesus as my personal Savior, it wasn’t neat or nicely worded. I wasn’t surrounded by people or being pressured by anyone else. No one else prayed with me. I wasn’t praying out of fear or in response to fear tactics (“what if you die tonight, do you know for sure where you’ll spend eternity…”). I didn’t have my life together – my life was a total wreck. I was alone in my apartment (well, the cat was there)… I was curled up in a ball on the floor and sobbing my eyes out. I said the shortest, but most heartfelt prayer of my life. I simply admitted that I knew I had messed up so much and for so long and asked Jesus to change my heart. I didn’t see how it was possible to change but I had read that with God, anything is possible. I prayed that I would devote the rest of my life to living for God and his glory, not my own. I laid everything down – my past, my regrets, my relationships, my hurts and doubts and worries and fears. I knew this decision didn’t change the past, but would change my future, and I didn’t see it yet but still believed that God would bring beauty from my ashes. Every year since that night, I’ve been watching that unfold before my eyes.
I once was the person who swore she’d never go to church and had a deep distrust and resentment towards Christians. But now… I’m not that person. And it’s all because of Jesus. I’m thankful for the random stranger who invited me to their church. I’m thankful for the friend who patiently answered my questions about the Bible and Christianity. I’m thankful for the church that ended up being nothing like I expected and everything that I needed at that time in my life. And I’m thankful for the church where we are now, that challenges me to grow in my faith and my knowledge of the Bible, where I can serve in ministry and make friends and raise my kids to know that they were made in God’s image and for God’s purposes.
And I guess I just needed to say today… if you’re the person who says they’ll never go to church because of the Christians inside it… I get it, I’ve been there, and I’m truly so sorry for whatever experiences you’ve had that led you to feel that way. Know that no matter what you’ve done, or where you’re at, you’re not too far for God to reach… you are loved more than you know, and you are wanted.
If you’re a Christian reading this… stop for a moment and think about how you interact with those who don’t share your beliefs. Not just how you treat them in person, but how you talk about them to others, how you post about them on your social media, how you think about them in your private prayer life. If you’ve been guilty of being divisive and mean-spirited and judgmental in your treatment of those who disagree with you… first, know that God can change your heart too, if you’ll let him. Second, answer this honestly… is it worth it? Is it worth it to push someone away from God’s church as long as you get to prove your point and win an argument?
I hope and pray you’ll realize that it isn’t. I hope and pray that you’ll realize that God’s church is a hospital for the sick, not a museum for the holy. I hope and pray that you’ll realize that Jesus died for all, even the people you stand against, even the people you detest and share memes about and tear down in your speech and argue with. I hope and pray that you’ll stop seeing enemies and start seeing potential brothers and sisters in Christ. I hope and pray that you’ll realize that your words and your actions are planting seeds in people’s hearts, and I hope you’ll start being more intentional about what kind of seeds you’re planting.
Kristen Stewart, Writer 