When things go back to normal.

I keep hearing it – “I can’t wait for things to go back to normal.”

“When things are normal again…”

What “normal” is everyone is longing for?

Seeing family and celebrating holidays together. Having birthday parties and baby showers and weddings. Worshipping in packed sanctuaries together. Having the freedom to take the kids to the playground, the zoo, the trampoline park. Going on vacations, celebrating graduation, dressing up for prom. Kids being back in school, parents being back at work, extracurricular activities resumed. Girl’s night out, date nights, movies, hitting the gym.

I do miss normal things too. I miss going over to my in-laws house and talking in their kitchen, and going out to eat with them. I miss taking my 4-year-old to his martial arts classes that he just started and was doing so well in. I miss watching him play on the playground and going to Target just to wander around. I miss being able to take my baby with me to the grocery store and having random older ladies come up and smile and talk to her. I miss my rowdy little Sunday school class.

But if I’m being perfectly honest? I don’t miss it all. I don’t want everything to be normal again.

I don’t miss: taking everything for granted. I don’t miss feeling busy and rushed all the time. I don’t miss going through the motions week after week at church but never really experiencing Jesus as a family. I don’t miss having sports constantly on our tv or updates popping up on my husband’s phone. I don’t really miss all the mindless distractions and the pressure to always entertain my kids and myself.

Truthfully, I don’t really miss everything about our comfortable, perfectly normal family life. That’s scary to admit.

I want Jesus more.

I want Jesus more than holiday traditions and routine Sunday mornings and random shopping trips.

I want Jesus more than weekends packed with activities. I want Him more than a UFC pay-per-view and more than my fantasy league.

I want Jesus more than a nice haircut or date night with my husband. I want Him more than anything this life has to offer.

And right now, I feel Jesus more.

I feel Jesus more in the quiet, in the stillness. I feel peace when I’m walking around the neighborhood with my babies and not worrying about anything beyond that moment, just able to enjoy them and talk to God. I feel a heightened awareness of the brevity and uncertainty of life and it makes me want to draw closer to Jesus. It makes me want to study my Bible more. It makes me pick up the Bible study books that have been collecting on my shelf and actually start reading them.

I feel Jesus when I’m doing lessons and preschool activities at home with my son. I feel Him when I’m resting with my baby girl on my chest. I feel Jesus when I’m worried about what’s to come.

With all the “normal” distractions gone, I feel Jesus more in my marriage, my home, my relationship with my kids, my friendships. When nothing else is left, Jesus remains. He’s always been there – I just couldn’t hear Him over the noise.

I’d give up normal any day if it meant I’d draw nearer to Him.