Choose hope.

On this day last year, I got a phone call at work. It was a nurse from my doctor’s office, telling me that my baby girl’s genetic screening came back with a positive marker for Down syndrome. She wanted me to come in for more tests and follow up with the “high risk” doctor.

I remember leaving work early and driving to their office. I wasn’t really worried that Shiloh had DS and I knew I’d still love her just as much if she did. I knew the blood test gave false positives pretty frequently and it was very likely that she was perfectly healthy. I prayed for everything to be ok and tried to act confident.

But… the doubts also started. “Something else is going to be wrong.” “I was lucky to have one healthy baby. I shouldn’t get my hopes up.” “What if she’s sick?” “What if I lose her?”

Faith is not one of my spiritual gifts. It is not my default reaction to boldly say, “it’s all good – God’s got this.” My default, my first instinct, is to worry, stress, research, run through all the possible scenarios. Hope for the best but prepare for (and sometimes expect) the worst.

Confidence, hope, faith – these do not come naturally to me, but I choose to fight for them. I can’t control everything that will happen in life, but I can do my best to choose how I respond. It’s not a one-and-done choice – it’s daily, sometimes hourly. When faced with the choice, I don’t want to give in to fear… I want to choose faith. Choose confidence in who God is and everything He is able to do. Choose hope.