Mother’s Day can be a difficult day for a lot of people, especially those who have lost their mother. I am so fortunate to have a mother-in-law now who has honestly filled that role in my life, but for more than 20 years of my life, I had no mother on Mother’s Day. Here are a few experiences I’d like to share from the perspective of a motherless child:
1) Mother’s Day is just an annual reminder of what you don’t have.
I used to hate Mother’s Day, especially as a teenager. I hated seeing the word “mom” everywhere because it was a constant reminder of what was missing in my life.
2) No one can take their place.
People would tell me to get something for my grandmas and my aunt instead. Or that a friend’s mom could be my “adopted mom.” It’s not the same, at all.
3) School can be awkward.
Especially in elementary and middle school.. Mother’s Day means making cards/writing letters/doing some project about Mom. Every year, the inevitable Mother’s Day themed class activity would come up and I would squirm in my seat, knowing I would have to yet again explain to the teacher that I don’t have a mother to make a card for.
4) You get very accustomed to telling “the story.”
In fact, it starts to feel like a script. No, I don’t have a mom. Yes, she passed away. I was 3. Cancer. It’s ok. I really don’t remember her. Tell the story as quickly as possible and try to move on to the next subject. I never wanted sympathy, fake or genuine. I just didn’t want to have to talk about it, period.
5) People don’t know what to say.
Most kids I went to school with had two parents. They had never really experienced a significant loss. And they didn’t know what to say besides “I’m sorry.” Always an awkward apology followed by me hastily trying to change the subject.
6) You resent your friends when they complain about their moms.
Oh, how it made me so mad when my friends would say they hated their moms. I always wanted to tell them that they’re lucky they even have a mom to argue with. And then I would wonder about my own mom… what kind of things would we argue about?
Mother’s Day is no longer a difficult day for me, but it still is for many people and children who don’t have their mother here. Be mindful of that, be compassionate, and just be there for someone who may be having a difficult time this year.
Kristen Stewart, Writer 