We got married four years ago. Up until our wedding day, we lived in separate apartments, with separate bills, separate groceries, separate beds, and separate schedules. We spent a lot of time together, obviously, but it wasn’t the same as sharing a life and home together. We both had roommates in college, so we had lived with people before, but I had been living alone for a few years before we got married, and he lived alone for about a year. I actually learned to love living on my own, and I’m sure he did too.
We got married, and went back to our apartment after the wedding. Our apartment – not just his anymore. Our groceries – not just his. Our bills – not just his. Our life together – not separate anymore. That can be a lot to get used to.
I soon learned the following things about my husband. He has no idea how to cook – literally, no idea. He can make a pizza on the Pizzazz oven and knows how to heat up Ramen noodles in the microwave. He can sort of put a sandwich together. That’s as far as it goes. He also has no idea how to clean. His idea of cleaning is to wet a Magic Eraser and use it to wipe off everything in sight. He doesn’t do laundry. I think he can handle washing and drying it, but to watch him try to fold something is borderline hysterical. I don’t let him touch the vacuum cleaner anymore because every time he uses it, it either breaks or he claims something is wrong with it. He’s a stickler/neat freak about certain things (like not leaving dirty dishes out, taking the trash out, etc.), and couldn’t care less about other things (like putting dirty laundry in the basket, or turning his socks right side out, or making the bed). He has a massive card collection and there are card boxes scattered around our house (usually around the TV, because he likes to organize his cards while he’s watching TV at night). He claims he is not a picky eater, but he adamantly hates a long list of foods that of course, I enjoy. The list of quirks goes on and on.
I’m ashamed to admit that it took me a little while to learn to appreciate our differences, instead of getting irritated over them. Every week, I would grumble as I flipped his socks right side out, annoyed that he was still throwing inside out socks all over the room after my repeated requests to stop. Every week, I would struggle to figure out what groceries to get so that we could both have food we like. Every week, I would roll my eyes as the apartment got messy yet again and we would argue over chores… he would usually tell me in an exasperated voice that he would just do things since I clearly didn’t have time to do it, and I would get upset because I wanted things done my way (the “right” way, of course). Every week, I would stare at the stacks of cards and card boxes in our bedroom and our living room and feel irritated because they look like clutter and I want to have a nice “put together” home.
I’m not sure exactly when I realized my attitude needed fixing. It wasn’t some grand revelation, but more of a gradual realization. Especially after having a child together, I learned that we both have quirks and shortcomings because we are both humans. There’s no such thing as a perfect person. I’m certainly not perfect. Why would I expect my husband to be? Why was I expecting him to be someone that he is not? The little things that were irritating me about him are parts of who he is as a person. God made him the way he is for a reason. And honestly, I’ve learned to love his strange and annoying habits, just as he is learning to love mine. What if, God forbid, he wasn’t here anymore? I would miss those inside out socks and card boxes and arguments about dinner.
It’s still a process, but I’m learning to appreciate everything that makes my husband who he is, even the parts of him that are on the quirky side. When I turn my attitude around, I’m able to just love Jordan without wanting to change him. Those things no longer annoy me… now I just see them as characteristics of the man I am in love with.
Kristen Stewart, Writer 