Keeping it in perspective.

Last night, my son went to bed around 10:00. I readied myself for another night of little to no sleep. I don’t know if I should blame some new teeth, or his separation anxiety, or what, but something has stolen sleep from my baby (and thus, from me) every night for the past week. Either he will only sleep when I’m holding him, and can’t get comfortable so he will toss and turn all night, or he just won’t sleep at all.

Sure enough, he woke up crying around 12:45. I tried nursing, gave a bottle, but he just couldn’t get back to sleep. I took him downstairs to watch his singing videos. I could barely keep my eyes open and I found myself starting to get annoyed with him, because I was exhausted. He crawled into my lap, which he never does unless it’s to nurse, and for the next 3 hours he laid with his head on my chest, watching his cartoons, too tired to move but also too tired to fall asleep.

I tried to take a picture of him in my lap without him noticing, and he looked up and gave me a smile. Seeing his sweet face brought me back into perspective.

The sleepless nights won’t last forever. He isn’t purposely trying to deprive me of sleep. He wants to sleep as much as I do. Obviously something was bothering him and he’s looking to me as his mother to comfort him and make it all better. He’s not a “bad baby” and there is no magic trick to make him sleep longer. He’s a little human with a lot of feelings that he’s trying to learn how to deal with, and the one thing that makes him feel better is to lay on his mommy and cuddle. How could I possibly be annoyed with him for that?

He finally went back to bed around 4, and I piled into bed myself. And yes, I’m tired today, but I’m still here and I’m doing fine. If I keep things in perspective, I will realize that the sleepless nights, the sick days, and the tantrums are only temporary and we will get through them. What really matters is to be constant and consistent in my love for my child; I don’t want the day to come where he no longer feels like his mommy can comfort him. What matters to me is that he knows I love him.