Fully present.

There was nothing out of the ordinary about this nursing session. We climbed into my recliner together, this little boy and I, just as we always do.

I usually bring my phone with me and read a blog, play a game, or work on my eBay listings while he nurses. This time, I left the phone on its charger and we settled in, just the two of us, with no distractions. I laid his body across my stomach as he latched on and grabbed at me with his baby soft hands. I cradled my baby in my arms, as I always do.

I stared at his beautiful blue eyes, lighter in the middle with a dark blue ring, just like my own. I noted how his ears and eyebrows look exactly like tiny versions of his father’s. I smiled at his perfect mouth and his chubby fist clutching my finger. I listened to him breathing through his nose, and watched as he wiggled his feet on the arm of my chair.

I began to speak, softly (because louder voices have been known to knock him right out of his trance and into a pitiful wail). “Spencer, did you know that God made you? He made your eyes and ears and toes and every little hair on your head. He planned every part of you.” His eyes fluttered, and he continued. Eventually he let go and tipped his head back, and gave me a great big toothless grin.

I love these moments. I live for these moments.